September 25, 2016

Karma really is a bitch. It is also a lot like an automobile. We drive around in our bubble of negative behavior, knowing our actions have repercussion but are so tragically surprised when we get run over by the Mac truck we should have seen coming.

Engaging in negative thought and action is nothing more than a set of the scene for the future accident.

Have I pushed someone so far emotionally that the only recourse is their distance? Have I demanded so much that emptiness is the payoff? Have I held back my joy and laughter in exchange for somberness and angsts?
Why then am I left so shell shocked when I reap what I have sown?
It is the dichotomy of the human spirit, I think, that often times prevails over the logic of our actions. I know I am guilty of all of the above and so very much more. It is in self-seeking and awareness I find the grace I need to quietly accept the dealings of my universe and ultimately, I hope to walk away with only scratches and bruises.

Quiet grace is what motivates me these days. I am in a place just now where sadness and anger could overtake me. The choice is mine to make. To either wallow or smile to acknowledge the truck coming, and let it pass on by without violence of my mind or spirit.

It is hard, so very hard, for me to think this way. I want to coil up into the emotion and come out swinging. To what avail? The immediate gratification of the response, in the long run, will only serve to undermine my own happiness.

So I do not strike out at least not as forcefully as I want to. I instead quietly acknowledge the sadness and the anger and pray for the grace to accept it as a recompense for my own shortcomings. Shortcomings of which there are many.

In the end, there are none that walk away from conflict without injury. I like to believe that fatality is something I might choose to deflect.